Successfully mitigate ANY argument with someone you love…
Arguments are bound to happen in even the best of relationships. It’s just a fact of life. But what if you could de-escalate any argument with someone you love and move forward with a calm and meaningful conversation?
- Stop, take a deep breath. Actually, take several deep breaths – This is more important than just pausing. This will have a physiological impact by providing more oxygen to your brain. This is especially important when you are upset because as you get angry or fearful (which is often a prerequisite to anger), the blood flow to your brain is restricted.
- Now, tell your loved one what they mean to you. – I know… weird…DO IT!
- Tell them that you love them and that you would like to calmly discuss the situation from a place of love and understanding.
- Look them in the eye and think about how your conversation will impact them and what positive impact that you would like to leave them with.
- If you had previously raised your voice or said something terrible, now is the time to take what you said back. (Yes, take-backs are allowed!)
- Have a conversation and if things are still too emotional to discuss, again, tell them that you love them and offer to think about the situation and resume a positive conversation at a later time.
- Remember something that is MOST important… YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE RIGHT!
- People have KILLED each other and BEEN KILLED just to be RIGHT. – It’s common and STUPID!
- More often than not, arguments can be resolved by gaining each other’s perspective. Try this, pick up a coffee mug, turn the handle toward yourself and ask your loved one to describe what they see. Then, describe what you see. The two descriptions will be similar but different as you will see the coffee mug handle. You could swear that there is a handle but your loved one cant see that handle. Perspective!
- If after everything you have tried fails, agree to compromise and move on.